Hindsight Is 2020

Hindsight certainly is 2020. There is nothing that gives us more clarity than looking back in the rearview mirror to see hoe far we’ve come. Or not. Looking back on 2020, I don’t think anyone is sorry to say farewell to a very challenging year. Instead, most of us are more than happy to say good riddance. However, it is interesting to reflect back on it and recognize some of the good things that came out of the Year of the Rat. Yep, according to the Chinese Zodiac calendar, 2020 was the Year of the Rat.

I remember sitting in a networking meeting last January. You remember networking meetings, don’t you? Of course you do–we all do. That’s where we met in person, gave each other hugs, We all remember those. You know, where we gave each other hugs, love, handshakes, high fives, and sat close together in groups to establish good personal and professional relationships. Now we network by sitting in front of a screen on a zoom call wondering who is wearing pants. Or not.

During that particular networking meeting, after we greeted each other and shared the love, the facilitator went around the room and share what our word for the year was going to be. Immediately the word ‘clarity’ popped into my mind. After all, my personal and professional life were on a roll, and I was already gaining insights to what I wanted to accomplish in the new year, and all I needed was a little bit of clarity.

It was interesting that a lot of the other attendees chose the word ‘vision’ as their word of the year. Everyone was so full of optimism, enthusiasm, and hope for a fantastic new year. And then it all fell apart. However, in retrospect we all learned a lot during the past 12 months. We learned how to adapt, and there has been a lot of growth in many ways. And I think we’ve all learned not to take things for granted, set better boundaries, and decide what our priorities should be. And how to stock up on toilet paper.

It’s easier to analyze and evaluate situations when we’re looking back on them in the past, than when we’re in the present moment. And we can all gain some clarity from this past year. It all depends on how you look at it. After all, hindsight is 2020.

Declaration of Celebration

Have you ever made a Declaration of Celebration? If you haven’t, I highly recommend trying it. It gives you the chance to focus on the positive things in your life, helping them get bigger and more powerful until they run the negative thoughts into the ground. Trust me, I know.

When I turned 50, I was determined to turn my life around. I must confess, my 30s were a nightmare. My 40s were even worse. I wasn’t even sure I would make it to 50, and neither did many of my friends.

But I kept thinking to myself, “If I can only make it to 50, maybe things will get better.” So, as I found myself crawling toward 50, I started planning my life after fifty and what it would look like.

I started by making a Declaration of Celebration. I promised myself that my gift to myself would be to celebrate my birthday every single day for 50 days in a row instead of just one day. I called it “Fifty Days of Cheryl.” Every single day, I would honor myself in some small way, give myself positive affirmations, and treat myself with the same respect and consideration that I treated other people.

I was so excited about my idea that I shared it with all of my friends and even my husband, because even just saying it out loud made me feel empowered and optimistic. I didn’t start the Fifty Days of Cheryl on my birthday, but 2 days before, because that was the day that my girlfriends gave me a big party, complete with a red tiara.

It was the best party I ever had. Even a bunch of fireman showed up. I thought they were the entertainment, and so did a lot of the other women, as we looked around trying to figure out who hired them. It’s not my thing, but I was deeply touched that my friends thought of everything, until the firemen started to usher us out of the building. Apparently they really were firemen, and we had to vacate the premises.

Fortunately, the fire was a false alarm, and we sent the guys on their way with slices of birthday cake to take with them. And it gave us even more to celebrate, since the restaurant didn’t burn down and no one got hurt.

On the 10th Day of Cheryl, I got the stomach flu. Still staying positive and optimistic, I decided to drop the day and start the count again the following day when I felt better. Unfortunately the little stomach bug was also celebrating Fifty Days of Cheryl, and it hung on for a week. The good news was that it didn’t hang on for the entire fifty days. Boom! Another reason to celebrate.

It’s important to stay positive and look for the good things that life has to offer, no matter how big or how small. And, I celebrate every birthday with the Days of Cheryl, adding another day every year. It’s hard to believe how many years have passed since I turned fifty. But then, that’s just one more thing to celebrate, don’t you think?

Reality Check and Taking Action

We all need a reality check sometimes, and that can result in taking action. I got one of those reality checks last week when I went to the doctor. After having my temperature checked twice (just in case it spiked from my brief walk down the hallway), I was asked to step on the scale. Everyone’s favorite step.

I wasn’t worried. Even with all the talk about the “Covid-15,” which is another unexpected consequence of the pandemic and a reference to the significant weight gain many of us experienced, I felt pretty safe. After all, even though I was stuck at home for over 3 months I felt like I was still getting enough exercise and watching my diet. More or less.

Before I stepped on the scale I asked the nurse if I should take my shoes off. She replied, “It’s totally up to you.” I shrugged and stood on the scale and watched the numbers come up. Uh-oh. Maybe I should have taken my shoes off after all.

Oh, it wasn’t that bad, but that number made me realize that I wasn’t paying attention to myself as much as I thought I was. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so tired lately and feeling sluggish and out of sorts. Which is a nice way of saying I was cranky. But it was time to face the reality that if I didn’t take action now, I could have a much bigger problem later on. Been there before, and didn’t want to go there again.

The next day I wrote out an action plan. Nothing drastic, just a few small, simple changes that I could make to help get back on track. I set a few goals that wouldn’t overwhelm me and I felt were easily achievable with a little bit of focus. My plan was to add a few changes every week for the next 6 weeks and see what happens. Here’s what I came up with for the first week.

Week One:
1). Drink more water.
2). Eat more veggies.
3). Give up chocolate.

I told you I was keeping it simple. The point is, if we try to make too many changes all at once or set goals that are too difficult to achieve, we run the risk of going over the cliff. Our nervous system is wired to embrace small changes and make them lifelong patterns. It’s something to keep in mind, just in case you have to deal with the “Covid-15.” Or any other lifestyle change you’d like to make.

Let me know if you need any help or advice. After all, I’ve been there, done that. And taking action is so much better than burying your head in the sand. Besides, we can all use a reality check every so often.

Patience, Perseverance, and Incomparable Stubbornness

Patience and perseverance are two traits of the Ninja that I was taught in my martial arts training. Notice I said that I was taught, not necessarily that I learned it. Patience may be a virtue, but it was something I was never very good at. However, I killed it when it came to perseverance. I attribute it to my incomparable stubbornness, which I am incredibly proud of, especially since it usually seems to pay off. Usually.

I am thrilled to say that it has certainly payed off when it applies to my book, which was published exactly 4 years ago this month. As a newly published author, I was naive enough to think that everyone would want my book and it would fly off the shelves. I scoffed at the marketing experts who claimed that the “real” work in writing a book came after it was published.

I thought, “How could that possibly be? I spent 2 1/2 very stressful and grueling years writing the darn thing. Nothing can be more work than that?” As I mentioned already, I was naive. And I was wrong. It was incredibly hard work, and devastatingly discouraging. But I never gave up.

After spending the past 4 years promoting my award-winning book, attending numerous conferences, multiple book fairs, delivering dozens of speeches, teaching free classes, and hundreds of post on social media, my efforts finally paid off and magic happened. Because I never gave up. I persevered.

In February of 2020 my book hit the Kindle Amazon Best Seller list in 8 categories, and remains on the Best Seller list to this day. I put a press release out a few weeks ago and was  picked up by over 250 multiple media outlets, but I am not boasting.

Instead, I am incredibly humbled, honored, and grateful for the accolades, but even more grateful for my patience, perseverance, and incomparable stubbornness. No matter what it is that you are working on or trying to accomplish, it’s important to remember the Ninja trait of patience and perseverance, because it really does pay off. Don’t give up. Never give up! And if you ever need a pep talk, give me a call or shoot me an email. I got your back. I’ll share some more Ninja secrets with you besides patience and perseverance. I might even give you a healthy dose of my incomparable stubbornness. After all, I have more than enough to share!

Born On the Fourth of July

I love the Fourth of July. As a kid, it was always all about the fun, the games, the cook-outs, the swimming pool, and the fireworks. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized the Fourth of July was more than just a holiday. It is a way of life, and something to be celebrated every day of the year, not just on July 4th. I want to tell you a story about why I love the 4th of July. And the story begins with a little boy.

The little boy was born on a small farm in Czechoslovakia in 1927. One year later, he and his parents left their farm and traveled across the Atlantic to begin a new life in a small steel town in Western Pennsylvania and pursue the American Dream. That dream turned into a nightmare one year later when the little boy pulled a pot of scalding chicken soup over him, severely burning himself over 90% of his body.

He spent the next six months in the hospital, with his mother constantly by his side. His father worked in the steel mill, taking on as many extra shifts as he could handle in order to pay the mounting doctor and hospital bills. Every day, when his shift ended, the father walked 12 miles to the hospital to visit his wife and son. His wife would cry and complain because she didn’t understand what the doctors and nurses were trying to tell her, nor could she ask any questions. She spoke no English, and no one on the medical staff spoke Slovak.

The father did his best to comfort his wife before starting the long, lonely 12 mile walk home, crying hopelessly the entire way, overwhelmed with the burden of grief, guilt, concern over the mounting medical bills, and the horrible reality that his son might not survive. Every night, when he crossed the bridge over the Ohio River, he would stop and stare into the dark, murky water. And every night, he considered throwing himself off of the bridge and ending it all.

It was the thought of what would happen to his wife and son if he killed himself that stopped him. How would they survive? Besides, what kind of a man would abandon his wife and son in such a cold and brutal way? He was taught that a real man took care of his family. And every night, he would tear himself away from the railing of that bridge, not even bothering to wipe the tears that streamed down his face as he made his way home to the dark, cramped apartment which seemed so empty without his family. This was his daily routine for six interminable months.

Against all odds, the boy survived. But the doctors warned the parents that the boy still needed a lot of care to continue to heal, as well as a clean environment, instead of the dirty, sooty, smokey environment of the steel mills. (By this time the parents were able to understand quite a bit of English). The doctors recommended going back to Europe where the boy could recover in the clean, fresh air on the farm as well as have family support.

The boy’s parents finally decided that the woman and the boy would go back, but the man would remain in America. He would continue to work, taking extra shifts and additional odd jobs to start paying off the exorbitant medical bills and send money back to support his wife and son. In the meantime, he would pay his living expenses and try to save money to send for them when his son recovered. The father bought passage to send his family back to Europe. As he and his wife kissed goodbye, they assured each other it would only be for a short time. It took ten years.

The boy and his mother lived a good life on the farm, and the boy continued to thrive and eventually made a complete recovery from his injuries. He loved the farm, his grandparents, his cousins, and his village. He and his two best friends spent hours exploring the forests surrounding their village as well as fishing in the canals in the summer and ice skating on the lake in the winter. There was always plenty of food, and he and his mother had a very close relationship.

However, times were changing and getting extremely dangerous, especially after Germany annexed Sudetenland in 1938. When Hitler invaded Prague, it was time to get out while they still could. The boy and his mother managed to leave Czechoslovakia in late December, 1939 to be reunited with his father. The reunion was a rocky one for the boy. After spending his entire life on the farm, it was a shock to be in a highly industrialized area, be surrounded by strangers, unable to speak the language, and to live in a cramped apartment with a strange man that he didn’t really like very much but who his mother seemed to adore.

To make the situation even worse, when he started school in January of 1940, he was put in the first grade class because he didn’t speak English. There he was, a 12 year old boy who was tall for his age surrounded by a bunch of first graders. It was humiliating. The other kids made fun of him, calling him “stupid” and laughed at his clothes, which were so different from their own. The boy tried to ignore them, even though he wanted to beat the crap out of them. However, instead of using his fists, he used his head.

He took English lessons in the evenings and on weekends, and he learned very quickly. One day, when he went to school, he “accidentally” walked into the wrong classroom, the one with the kids his own age. And size. The teacher was going to send him back until she made an interesting discovery. The boy was bright. Very, very bright. She kept him in her class.

The boy thrived. Oh, he had a few mishaps along the way, including a spectacular bike wreck that almost killed him. And then there was that incident when he stole a carving knife from the kitchen to use on one of his father’s friends at a bar. But, I’ll save those stories for another day. At the age of 17, just 5 years after immigrating to America, the boy left high school to join the Navy. The boy was now a man, and he served his country proudly, and with honor.

When the man returned home, he completed high school and went to night school to better himself. He learned welding, masonry, and other useful skills while he also made time to hunt in the woods and fish in the river and lakes. He became a highly skilled welder, stonemason, and master builder. He eventually met the love of his life, got married, and built his wife a beautiful stone house to raise a family in. He raised five girls, built them a community swimming pool to grow up in, taught them how to swim, ski, become good citizens, and sent them to college. He became a pillar of his church and his community, volunteering his skills as a builder and a leader at every opportunity.

When the man turned 40, he returned to his beloved Navy and joined the US Navy Reserves as a Seabee, much to his wife’s chagrin. His wife felt it would take too much time away from the family. But the man wanted to serve his country again, to repay it for the wonderful opportunities she had given him. The man served for 25 years, retiring only because it was mandatory at age 65. When he died in November of 2010, just 19 days after losing his wife, his daughters buried him in his dress blues, because he loved his Navy and his country so much.

The man had a life well lived in a country he loved. And it could have been a much different story if he and his mother had not managed to escape Czechoslovakia on that cold December night, leaving on the last ship out of Calais before the start of the war.

That boy was my father. And that is why I celebrate the Fourth of July. That’s why I get choked up when I hear the Star Spangled Banner and God Bless America. And I always will. It’s a lesson I learned from that little boy, the one that became my dad.

Swimming With Sharks and Taking a Risk

When the movie Jaws was released in June of 1975, everyone was terrified to go in the water. It wasn’t safe. So, instead of going for a refreshing swim in the ocean, beach goers sat immobilized in the sand and sweltered in the hot sun, dreaming of the day when it would be safe to go in the water. If ever.

The following summer, people began to dip their toes in the water. After all, you can only be immobilized for so long before the desire to return to normal becomes overwhelming, and you’re willing to take a risk. Eventually, swimmers went deeper into the water, and they survived. The water was filled with happy swimmers, bobbing in the surf.

But, just when we finally forgot the horrors that lurked just below the water’s surface and began swimming again, Jaws 2 was released. Damn! It was like getting a booster shot of a syringe filled with fear, anxiety and a not so healthy dose of panic as well. Because you just never knew what was hiding in the ocean, waiting to kill you. It was safer to sit on the beach and sweat. Nothing was worth the risk of stepping into the water, not even to get your toes wet.

Fast forward to the present day. We have been through a terrible pandemic. And we have all been locked in our own homes, unable to go to school, work, the hair salon, the gym, bars, restaurants, the dentist and the eye doctor. And this was just a week or two after we were told that we had nothing to worry about. You remember, “Go out just like you normally do…..go to restaurants, bars, socialize, shop, party, and have a good time. There’s nothing to see here.” The people listened.

Then the “experts” told us that we had to stay home and were only permitted to go out for groceries and medication, or to the pot shops and liquor stores. And make sure you wash your hands. A lot. But, don’t wear a mask. Masks don’t work. The people listened, and they complied.

Two weeks later we were told to shelter in place. Just for 2 weeks. Then it would be safe to go out. Like responsible citizens, we did. Two weeks turned into 2 months. Restrictions are slowly being lifted, businesses are opening back up again (at least the ones that didn’t go under during the lock down), and we can now get our hair cut and our teeth cleaned. As long as we wear a mask. Because the “experts” have now determined that masks are mandatory. For everyone. Everywhere. Even when you go to the beach, and in the water, but they’re still not sure it’s safe to go to the beach and play in the sun. So, we should stay inside instead, just to be sure.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s time to get our feet wet. People aren’t stupid (for the most part), and staying inside isn’t healthy. Neither is isolation, especially when it’s forced. Besides, there is always something lurking beneath the surface, ready to kill you, even in the privacy and safety of our own homes. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to go back in the water. And out in the sun. Because I refuse to have the “experts” tell me that I have to live my life in fear, or that they know best. It’s time to go swimming and take a chance with the sharks.

The Eyes Have it

Making eye contact with another person is crucial to the human connection and establishing a relationship. Averting one’s eyes makes you appear suspicious, furtive, unapproachable, and even dangerous. Or it can communicate to strangers that you are insecure, vulnerable, and an easy target for perpetrators.

However, when you look someone in the eye, there is an immediate connection, and an exchange of information. Your brain processes this information, sending electrical, chemical, and hormonal signals through your body how to react. Eye contact gives you an instantaneous respond as to whether this person is a friend or foe, safe or threatening. That’s why it is so dangerous to walk around in public with your head buried in your cell phone.

First of all, it’s not safe. Second, it desensitizes you to the human experience and the human connection. Third, it’s creepy. But a few days ago I experienced something that was beyond creepy.

I went to the grocery store with my husband to pick up a few things. Much has changed in the past several weeks due to the COVID19 pandemic, and we’re all used to the masks, the social distancing, the hand washing, etc. But I wasn’t prepared for what I saw in the store that day.

Just a few days earlier, people were looking at each other, making eye contact, and even smiling at each other. The unspoken message was, “Hey, this is kind of weird, but we’re all in this together and this soon shall pass.”

But on this particular day people were social distancing, wearing their masks, and avoiding eye contact. Many of them were averting their eyes, furtively looking away and even turning their backs when another person walked by them. It was creepy, incredibly disturbing, and dehumanizing. I felt like I was in a store with a bunch of zombies, or maybe even a few mass murderers. People behaved as if each one knew that the other had a deep, dark, horrible secret that they were trying to hide. I couldn’t wait to get out of the store.

On the way out one woman stopped at the entrance to dig in her purse, creating a back log of shoppers behind her. We tried to go around her, but we were trapped. I glanced at the police officer guarding the entrance, but she turned her back on me when I looked at her. So much for guarding the store. Shoppers were trying to get in, others were trying to get out, no one was looking at each other and no one said a word. Not even an “excuse me.” It was surreal.

When we finally broke loose and made it outside I was disheartened and depressed. Is this where we are now as a society? That we are so disconnected from each other that we walk around like zombies or robots, not looking at each other and not speaking to one another?  What has happened to the human connection?

But then magic happened. As we pulled the bags out of the cart, a man walked briskly around the corner, saw us with a free cart, looked me in the eye, gave me a big smile and said, “Are you done with this?” “Yes,” I replied, “Here, let me clean it off for you.” And I whipped out my spray bottle of alcohol from my purse. He continued to smile at me, and still holding my gaze said, “Nah, I’m good!” I sprayed the cart anyway.

That man made my day. Because in that simple encounter, he lifted my spirits, and restored my faith in humanity and human dignity. All because he made eye contact with me. And gave me a smile.

Patience, Perseverance, and Number #1 Best Seller

Patience and perseverance are two valuable principles I learned in my martial arts training. It means that our focus is on the journey, rather than the end result. And it explains why the students that come to our dojo with their primary goal of becoming a black belt are usually gone in just a few months. Because everything takes time and effort.

The same applies to every aspect of life. Focus on the journey, put in the time, the effort, and see what unfolds. That’s exactly what happened when I published my first book. I just focused on the journey, even though it was incredibly labor intensive.

When I heard that the “real work” in writing a book begins after it’s published, I found it hard to believe. After all, it took me two and a half years to write it. In reality, it actually took a lifetime, since it was the result of a culmination of life experiences, including the good, the bad, and the ugly.

When the book launched, I was delighted with the number of sales I received, as well as a few great reviews. And I was over the moon when I received two awards.

But then, sales dropped off. I spent hours of my time promoting the book, giving endless talks and presentations. I talked until my throat was raw. And I sold a few books, here and there.

It was frustrating. It was discouraging. But I never gave up, because I truly believe in my message. Patience, perseverance. Time, effort, mindset. Persistence. Incomparable stubbornness. I just knew that my target audience was out there, waiting to hear my message.

Finally, three years after the book was launched, my persistence paid off when I became a #1 Best Seller on Amazon in EIGHT categories. It was amazing. It was humbling. It was a miracle. But it took patience, perseverance, and a little help from my friends. Especially from the incomparable Polly Letofsky, who is the master of focusing on the journey. She is the first woman to ever walk around the world, and no, I am not kidding or exaggerating.

She also is the founder and owner of My Word Publishing, a company that helps newbie authors like Yours Truly get their work out into the world. And she certainly does it well. Thanks to Polly along with a healthy dose of patience, perseverance, persistence and unbelievable stubbornness, I am now a Best Selling as well as an award winning author. And, as you can see from the photo, I owe her lunch. And that’s one tab I can’t wait to pick up!

Groundhog Day–Again

It’s Groundhog Day. Again. It always reminds me of the movie with Bill Murray where he finds himself reliving the same day over and over again. Repeating the same day and the same patterns drives him bonkers, until he sees a way of turning the situation to his advantage.

Quite simply, he changes his patterns, and magic happens. We all get stuck in habits and patterns that aren’t serving us well, and we end up getting stuck in a rut. The good news is that we can crawl out of that rut with just a few simple changes.

Here are a few tips that sound really easy and downright silly, but trust me, they work.

1). Sleep on the “wrong” side of the bed. It might sound strange, but it can give you an entirely different perspective on bedtime. You might even sleep better.

2). Change your morning routine. Instead of turning on the (ack!) news or checking your email, turn on some music instead. Give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the morning and wake up gently, rather than jarring yourself awake with a cattle prod.

3). Use your non-dominant hand to comb your hair, wash your face, and brush your teeth. This lights up your nervous system in a gentle way and makes you more alert, aware, creative, and curious.

4). Drive a different route when you drive to and from work. This increases your cognitive awareness, makes you a safer driver since you will be playing closer attention to your surroundings, and can even improve your reaction and reflexes.

5). Learn a new skill such as dance, music, writing, knitting, learn a new language, join a book club, etc.

And at least trying something (anything) new or different is certainly better than listening to loops of Sonny and Cher singing “I Got You, Babe.” Because, in my humble opinion, nothing could be sillier than that.


Writer’s Block

Writer’s block. Two words that can strike fear in the heart of every writer. And, like every writer, I have experienced it before, but nothing like I did over the past few months. It was so bad that I couldn’t write anything, not even my grocery list.

I would sit at my kitchen table, pen and paper in hand (yes, I am that old-fashioned), and stare off into space. I even tried to get some inspiration by flipping through a few of my favorite cookbooks. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

The blank paper seemed to mock me as I tapped the pen to my head trying to get some creative synapses firing. And still, I had nothing. Great. My Red Booth Writer’s Group was getting ready to rally and come up with another four new articles to submit to The Pueblo Chieftain, and I couldn’t even come up with a grocery list.

It was depressing. And I understood why writers sometimes go bonkers. Actually, I already knew why. There were many times I had to be talked off the ledge when I was in the process of writing and publishing my first book.

Maybe I was going to be one of those authors who were “one hit wonders.” And then, a few weeks ago, I was having a random conversation with another author at The Big Horn Book Nook at The Georgetown Christmas Festival. I told her the sweet story about my Sugar Plum Tree, and she listened with rapt attention. When I was finished, she said those magic words. “You should write that in a book!”

At first I didn’t give it another thought. But later that day, the flood gates opened. The next day I sat down at my computer and began to write. And I have been writing everyday since, except for one. I gave myself Christmas Day off.

But that wonderful author gave me the best Christmas gift I could receive. I’m starting the New Year with a return to a project that I started and abandoned 9 years ago. I’m not quite ready for the BIG REVEAL right now, but I am hoping to have my next book published this summer. I’ll keep you posted. Sometimes all we need are the right words, from the write person. Write on!