Breaking Up Is Hard To Do….Or Not

Before I discovered Feldenkrais, I often found myself in situations that weren’t working out for me, or doing things I didn’t want to do, just out of habit. Even if I wanted to change, I couldn’t figure out how. The most glaring example was with my best and dearest friend. We met in ballet class 25 years earlier and established an unlikely friendship. She was quiet, reserved, shy, and highly intelligent. I was loquacious, demonstrative, outgoing, and just smart enough to get by. For some reason we got along famously.

However, over the years what had begun as a wonderful friendship based on mutual support, respect, and caring somehow turned into one that was demanding, controlling, and manipulative. Our social interactions left me feeling drained, depleted, and even angry. Her arrogant condescension set my teeth on edge. When I tried to limit our “girl time” she became hostile and belligerent. I couldn’t even imagine how she would react if I tried to break up with her. I was stuck in a rut and I couldn’t get out.

But once I started my Feldenkrais training, all of that began to change. I realized that our friendship had gone to the dark side, and I noticed how it was affecting my health and well-being. I also recognized that I was carrying a lot of baggage, and most of it wasn’t even mine. No wonder why I had back pain, neck pain, and incapacitating headaches. It was time for me to lighten my load.

In true Feldenkrais-fashion, I slowly tried to interrupt our habitual patterns and re-establish new patterns in our relationship. After all, we had been friends a long time, and I wanted to salvage our friendship if at all possible. Besides, we had shared our deepest secrets, so we both knew where all the bodies were buried, so to speak. Sadly, it didn’t work out that way.

She told me she didn’t like the way I was acting and didn’t understand what was wrong with me. But I wasn’t acting, and there was nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact, I felt better than I had in years. My back pain miraculously disappeared and my headaches went away. Although I still greeted her warmly and graciously when I saw her in ballet class, she completely ignored me. Huh, I guess she reacted better than I had expected.

Feldenkrais makes everything easy and effortless. It helps you hurt less, feel better, and move through life with strength, grace and confidence. It helps you identify and eliminate excess baggage. It teaches you how to be true to yourself. Feldenkrais even helps you discover that breaking up really isn’t so hard to do, especially if it’s been coming for a long time. You just have to try it to believe it!


awareness, breaking up, Feldenkrais, friendship, habits, patterns, respect, self-awareness, support