By the time my Feldenkrais training was about to begin, I was a nervous wreck. After all, 2 weeks of training, every 3 months for the next 4 years seemed like one heck of a commitment. Besides, I was overwhelmed by all of the pre-training discussions and email communications. On top of that, I was feeling pretty apprehensive about the “touchy-feely” sense I was getting from the training group.
I didn’t want to bond with anyone. I didn’t want to share my feelings. I had no desire to change my self image, and I certainly didn’t want to challenge my belief system. Most of all, I didn’t want to release anything I may have repressed over the years. I just wanted to learn Feldenkrais.
I didn’t like the glowing faces and dewy eyed look my teachers and classmates got when they talked about Feldenkrais. I pasted a polite smile on my face and did a mental eye roll when they talked about the wonderful journey we would all travel together. Ugh…what did any of that have to do with Feldenkrais?
I almost didn’t make it to the first day of training. My husband had to give me a pep talk and push me out the door. He handed me my lunch, my car keys, my huge purple mat and instructions to call him at anytime during the day. I would have put him on speed dial, but I am a techno-moron. I didn’t even know if my phone had speed dial, let alone how to program it.
When I got to the training and parked my car, I saw a long line of people entering the building. With their over-sized mats on their backs, they looked like a bizarre pack of brightly colored mutant turtles plodding up the stairs. I grabbed my phone and called my husband. He gave me another pep talk. I promised I would go inside, but I reserved the right to make a quick escape anytime I felt like it, no questions asked. I took that first day one minute and one ATM at a time. Before I realized it, the day was over.
But, I was exhausted. When I got home I had dinner, a hot bath, a glass of wine and went directly to bed. After all, I had to get up and go back to the training in the morning. Of course, there was no guarantee that I would go back. I might just decide it was time to quit before I got any deeper into the training. But that’s a story for another day…